TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU MAY HAVE BOUGHT A BAD TURKEY

1. There’s white, dark and gray meat
2. Expiration date indicates bird is older than you are
3. Pop-up timer needs Viagra to work
4. Tire marks on back
5. For some reason, there are three drumsticks

TOP FIVE MOST POPULAR PHRASES ON THANKSGIVING DAY

1. “Can you turn up the volume on the game?”
2. “Nice giblets!”
3. “C’mere, my little Butterball!”
4. “I want to watch a movie!” “I want to watch the game!”
5. “Let us give thanks… that Aunt _____ is in not coming this year”.